Outrage as Celts forced to support "England in Red"
Twickers, 6th Feb 2004
The Celtic Nations today expressed dismay that Sir Clive Woodhead, Inter-Hemisphere Champion Coach and Intergalactic “Best-prepared-guy-there-ever-was” is to coach the 2005 Lions’ tour of New Zealand.
A spokesman for the combined “Irish, Scottish and Welsh Emerging Association of Rugby Football Unions” (I SWEAR FU!) said: “This is terrible, we’ll have to support Woodhead and his gang because there’ll be no lovable, hard-drinking, unfit Celts on the team.”
A Woodhead-appointed spokesperson for the Lions said, “Its not as if the others won’t get to make a contribution. We envisage the other home unions will supply the ball boys for the games against Wollabrawonga and Norfolk Island.”
Another added, “It is the case that Sir Clive is bringing his own team. But that’s just players, coaching staff, management, physiotherapy, trainers, dieticians, chefs and security. There are plenty of opportunities for tea ladies, drivers, sooth-sayers, porters and laundry staff.”
The “Lion King”, describing himself as “honoured” said: “Of course the minor unions will have an impact: What about Irish-born Kyren Bracken? And Jason Robinson from Gloucester – that’s practically in Wales. And Steve Thompson’s real name is McThomp. I’m just happy we don’t have to accommodate the Italians”.
Further commenting on the leaked match schedule, he said: “It won’t be 10 games. It’ll just feel that way”.
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